always thinking of him.

I started taking sleeping pills. I used to sleep through the night. I used to be able to fall asleep before 11 pm. Then my husband left. 

I have always been a night owl and NOT a morning person. But this going to bed around 3 to 5 in the morning is getting ridiculous. I stared last week. I think I will be getting a stronger dose of it. I am always thinking of him. I think the night time is the worst. Not only am I sleeping in a bed without my other half, but my night time is his day time. I know they run night ops but I know they are mostly doing stuff during the day. I stay awake at night and think about him. What it's like and where he is. What he is doing and if he is safe. Every night I am terrified that I will wake up to two marines knocking at my door to tell me that I won't have someone to welcome home in November, and don't expect anymore phone calls. I don't think I have ever been so scared of something in my whole life. I don't think I am strong enough to handle that. I never thought I would be so afraid of seeing two Marines standing at the door wearing Alphas. I am so scared of it that it makes me sick at night thinking of it. 

I want to shut my brain down so I can get a few nights rest but I can't. I want to go to sleep knowing my husband is safe and be assured he is doing okay. But the no phone calls for 2 weeks makes it hard. 

I don't know what to talk about almost always. I can't put my emotions into words so I tend to not speak a lot. 

I need the next couple months to move by quickly and without event. I need this to be over. I pray to god every night that he will come home to me. That is all I want is for my Husband to come home. 

I replay our last kiss in my mind almost every night and watch his videos and I cry. I look at pictures of him and it's bitter sweet. It's good to see his face but I wish his face was with me instead of on a computer screen.

I can't wait to have this cute boy home with me. 

I am praying for him and all the Marines of 3/1 every night and day. I am praying for our angles and their families every day. I am praying for their strength and courage through these trying times. I am praying for myself and for the strength to get to November. 

David James Griggs... I love you with every fiber of my being. Stay safe and come home to me. I miss you.